THE Problem

Okay, see. I know I’m not a very good person, but I try, alright? I try keeping everyone happy and I try suppressing my demons (who make me ‘not a very good person’), but after so much struggle with myself, so many internal conflicts, my demons win every time and I come out as a bad guy not only in the eyes of others but in my own perspective as well.

So I mean to figure out why that happens and what can I do to thwart those dwellers of the dark?

Now my theory of life is- whenever something happens to you, good or bad, one individual cannot be solely responsible for it. Let me focus on the bad part, because that is what seems to be happening to me since long. So if something bad happens, you cannot blame someone else for it solely. You’ve got to take responsibility for it too. On the other hand, you cannot take responsibility for it entirely, there’s got to be some problem with the other concerned party.

So let me first take responsibility. I’m owning up for whatever bad keeps happening to me. It is because I react too emotionally. Whenever anything is put to me, I first send the emotional part of me to deal with it, later comes the logic. But by the time logic comes into play, the deed is done!  I’ve already reacted! And believe me, those reactions are not very decent.

Also, I’m someone who wants to be among people, amidst laughter and chatter, I want people to love me, to respect me, I try to love everyone, I try to respect everyone. But this is not possible! You cannot love everyone, it’s not real to respect everyone. These things are not practical. We are human beings. So this is the second complication.

Third is- my ego. Yes, I have a monstrously huge ego within me, which stirs every time someone prods it with the stick of seeming superiority. And not only does this makes things difficult for me, it also makes sympathizing for me difficult, despite the large hoard of my woes.

(I’ll keep adding them up here as they come to me.)

But as I’ve said before also, anything does not happen without two parties being involved in it, equally or no.

The problem with the world is- it’s too selfish. But you cannot blame it for that. Since there is no organization out there which looks out for people, they have to look out for themselves. And while doing so, a bit of selfishness is inevitable. But without realizing, the world stretches that ‘bit’ to such an extent that at a point it becomes unbearable. And then you want to run away, to somewhere where there are no people, there’s just you and the trees and the wind or maybe nothing at all. Afterlife seems an appealing choice to some people, and no wonder.